Essays on Family Life Open a New Chapter for Local Author

As an amateur boxer and newspaper reporter, Herbert Hadad experienced his share of adventure, but in his late 20s he realized his biggest dream was to be a "family man, with a wife and 13 children."

He got his wish -- except he settled for three kids instead of 13. Hadad's life as a family man is the subject of his newly released book, "Finding Immortality: The Making of One American Family."

Most of the essays in the book explore the joys, sorrows and complications of parenthood. Hadad, 63, spent about 10 years as a freelance writer and stay-at-home dad before it was fashionable. Watching his children grow up in Pocantico Hills provided the inspiration for these compact and often poignant stories.

Hadad turns seemingly mundane moments – his son deciding what to wear on the first day of school or the simple act of waving to other people – into revelatory life lessons.

But he also deals with bigger issues -- being a Jewish-Arab kid growing up in a predominately Irish Boston neighborhood, the death of a childhood friend on train tracks, small-town racism, and the lure of infidelity.   

Things may have slowed down a bit for Hadad -- he now works as a press officer for the Department of Justice, he's still happily married after three decades, and his children are adults – but publishing "Finding Immortality" opens for him a new chapter in a full life.

Read a Q & A with Herbert Hadad below.

Q: You wrote the essays at different points in your life?

A: Correct. I wrote them as individual pieces. They go from the children just being born until the oldest was about age 12, so at least 12 years, but probably longer. I include two pieces that I thought were essential to a memoir. One's about 9/11 and one's about life when you become attached to an Irish-American family. [His wife is Irish-American.]

Q: Would you call this book a memoir?

A: I went to a one-day writing seminar in the Village with sort of a writing guru and she said, "Never call it a collection. It's the worst thing you can do. No one's going to buy it. Call it a memoir." So it is a memoir, but I wouldn't have called it that necessarily.

Q: Your parents have an interesting background. Your mother's Jewish and your father is of Syrian descent.

A: My father was an Arab in temperament, culture, language, food but also happened to be Jewish. That stopped some people cold. People say, "You can't be both, pick one." But that's political, geo-political. There are Muslim Arabs, Christian Arabs, why not Jewish Arabs?

As you might expect his family rejected her as below us, and her family did the same towards him... When they would have a fight, he would revert to Arabic and she would revert to Yiddish, so they didn't understand each other and the fight was over almost immediately.

Q: So when you met your wife, Evelyn, you just knew it was right?

A: I joined a PR firm and she was the office manager. She had a pleasant manner and was very nice looking and cheerful. I mean, there was nothing bad to say about her. So in my own clumsy way I asked her out. She said, "You seem nice, you come to work on time but the answer is no. The reason is if it didn't work out it's very awkward being in the same office." So then, we had a very strange man who owned this PR agency, and he decided unilaterally he didn't want me there no matter how well I performed. So he sent his VP down the hall, and he said, "I know this is nuts, but you're fired."

I'd never been fired, so I was shocked. I sat there thinking about it for 10 minutes then I said, wait a minute, I don't work here anymore. So I went down the hall and asked her out and she said yes.  The PR man became very famous in New York, he's worked with politicians, mayors. His name is Howard J. Rubenstein. … I see him maybe once a year at an event, and I never fail to thank him for firing me.

Q: Your kids almost sound too perfect in the book, but you were pretty honest about your own shortcomings.

A: I could be moody sometimes and they were the unfortunate recipients of it. I wanted to write an honest book. Some stories are fuzzy and sentimental because that's the way we lived them.

Q: What are you working on now?

A: I only work on individual essays these days. But I'm collecting stuff I've already written for another book. I had a nice long run as a columnist for Northeastern University magazine. I worked very hard on these pieces and I was very happy with the results. But they've only been read by a handful of alumni, so that could be the structure of the book. One piece I'm pondering right now – I've had all sorts of Jewish exposure, modest Christian exposure, modest Muslim exposure. So I'm going to invent my own religion, just for myself. That's the essay I'm working on right now.

Q: What advice would you give young parents?

A: I would say don't ignore your career but temper it with time and emotion and attention and interest in your own family. Because it's as important, if not more important. … Children are extremely important. You're inventing them. They're relying on you for standards of behavior, at least for a while. You can't come back when they're 12 or 13 and say, "OK, now I'll raise you." It's too late.

Herbert Hadad will teach the course the Art of The Essay, at the Hudson Valley Writer's Center in Sleepy Hollow on Tuesdays from July 6 - August 10. Spaces are still available. Visit the Hudson Valley Writer's Center for more information.

For more information about the book, visit http://www.herberthadad.com/