In past generations, children were taught phrases like “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me“ in hopes of fending off occasional teasing.

As a kid, I remember hearing it more than once when I complained that the “mean girls” were “ruining my life.” That phrase didn’t really work back then either, but it’s never been less true than now. 

According to news reports, early in November of this year, 10-year-old Ashlynn Conner felt so hurt by the words of others and so hopeless that she took her own life. She wasn’t alone. In the past few years, a shocking number of children have felt no choice but to end it all.

In Ashlynn’s case, the thing that struck me most was reading that, in addition to the verbal abuse of classmates, some school authority figures responded to her requests for help by calling her a “tattler.” 

Are we still not taking this seriously? I thought we were finally at the point where encouraging our children to communicate their feelings was the goal.

Almost every day my 10-year-old daughter comes home with tales of how some girls at school use nasty words and intimidating behavior to “get to the top.” The other evening, as my fifth grader sat in front of me giving me endless details of the day and venting her frustrations, I suddenly felt overwhelming gratitude. 

I took her hands, looked her straight in the eye and said, “I believe you.” 

I was surprised for a moment by the wisdom in her response, as she said, “Mom, I know you do. That’s why I tell you.”

Still, I wondered if that would be enough.

We talked more about the challenges of her day. I reminded her, as tough as it is, we need to remember who we are and not allow the bad behavior of others to change our good character or ruin our futures.

We continued by chatting about the journey to her most incredible dream life, as we do often, in hopes of making her world big enough and positive enough to withstand unavoidable bumps in the road.

Then we talked about Ashlynn Conner, and I could see the empathy in my daughter’s eyes.

“It really does get better. Right, mom?” 

“Yes,” I said. “Much better.”

Later that night, when I went to tuck her in, she pulled me close and shared her final thought for the evening.

“Unless it’s ‘nice’ popular, I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“Me neither,” I said.

Shaking her head, she added, “It’s just not worth being mean to people to get to the top.” 

“You’re right. So remember to think before you speak. It’s easy to be mean, if you forget what’s important. Don't become part of the problem,” I said, knowing I'd be stressing this point to her well into my old age.

She agreed, and we put the day behind us. But that night I promised myself I’d listen—always—no matter how tired I was, how distracted or how frustrating the stories about the “mean girls” may seem.

Sticks and stones may break bones, but words have power, too.

Taryn Grimes-Herbert is a screenwriter, performer, the author of the I’ve Got character-building book series for children, and was 2010’s Woman of Achievement in the Arts Honoree for Orange County, NY. Calling upon her professional acting experience on Broadway, film and television, she speaks out and takes her books into classrooms hoping to help kids build character, develop empathy and learn to create a positive future through creative dramatics activities.

Her books can also be found on Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com.

For more information visit: http://www.ivegotbooks.net, Facebook.