[Poll] Who Has it Harder, the Working or Stay-at-Home Mom?
The 'Huffington Post' ran an opinion piece this week on the trials of being a working mother. What do you think: Who has the harder life, moms with careers or career moms?
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Dawn Demalas Meehan wrote an opinion piece for the Huffington Post this week arguing that working moms definitively have it harder than moms who stay at home with their kids.
"There's nothing to debate," she wrote. "Now, I'm not saying that being a SAHM is a picnic. I did that for nearly seventeen years. Especially when the kids are young, it's a tough, thankless job. The only other people who can understand what it's like are other stay-at-home parents."
But...
"...There are no words to describe how hard it is to be a working parent. Brooklyn was sick last week and I had to stay home with her. My next paycheck will be cut in half because of it. My bills, however, will not. I wouldn't wish the overwhelming guilt that floods a working parent when they have to choose their child or their job, on anyone. It sucks."
What's your take? Who has a tougher life?...Or—like anything else—is this a question for which circumstance makes it absurd to post a multiple-choice poll with black and white yes-no responses?
Which we'll do anyway, acknowledging the impossibility...
Please post your reactions in the comments section.
p.s. If you want a good laugh, read Demalas Meehan's assessment of what it was like for working (and non-working) cave moms. It's worth the extra click.
Heron
3:15 pm on Saturday, January 7, 2012
Everyone's situation is different -- I think a stay-at-home-mom could have a tougher life if the mom feels that she's missing something in terms of intellectual fulfillment, but she stays home due to guilt or pressure from others. Also, if a woman is a stay-at-home mom because she can't find a job and the family is struggling financially, this could also be a pretty tough situation.
Lizzie Hedrick
3:29 pm on Saturday, January 7, 2012
Here's an email I received from the director of the Museum Of Motherhood in NYC:
"Hi - THanks for posing the question, 'Who Has It Harder'? At the new Museum Of Motherhood in NYC (The first and only of it's kind) we have an exhibit by Alexia Nye Jackson, called 'Mother The Job'. It's a shame that motherhood is still the ONLY UNPAID job in America with no national maternity policy to boot. (401 East 84th St. NYC MOMmuseum.org)
Lisa Buchman
4:29 pm on Sunday, January 8, 2012
I have done both, too, and there are days when I think being a working mom is harder. But when I went back to work I pulled back on school volunteering and I know so many SAHM's who give so much to school and provide enrichment for so many kids, my own included. And they're on email late at night as I am, catching up after the kids go to sleep. I think all parents can get overextended and a little too plugged in!
charityneverfaileth
7:20 pm on Sunday, January 8, 2012
I find the whole premise of this question a set up for conflict. There is no right or wrong answer. I know women who stay at home with 6 kids and women who work with one kid. I know women who stay at home with 2 autistic children and those who work with 4 healthy children. Why, as women, do we allow ourselves to be pitted against one another with a question like this? I trust that each Mom is doing what's best for her and her family and that's it. This question just sets into motion all kinds of judgements of one another. Terrible topic!
Lizzie Hedrick
7:33 pm on Sunday, January 8, 2012
I agree with you—which is why I pointed out the absurbity of structuring this question as a multiple choice poll. Though it still is a mjor topic of conversation...especially in the Hudson Valley. I can say assuredly, I have no kids and a job and frequently find myself overwhelmed. Kudos to you moms (and dads!) who manage to do it all.
Heron
8:04 pm on Sunday, January 8, 2012
In the past, Patch asked the same question but posed it as "Who's the better Mom - stay-at-home Moms or working moms?" It's a vast improvement over that poll.
Lizzie Hedrick
6:13 am on Monday, January 9, 2012
To be clear: I posted this for two main reasons: 1) to direct our readers to the very well-written and amusing article by Dawn Demalas Meehan, which made me stop and laugh out loud for a few minutes. 2) As a call for comments. (I don't actually think there's a "right" answer. I'm sure any psychologist will say that there's a good chance of having a perfectly well-adjusted or entirely troubled kid whether you work or not—and the same goes for the happiness levels of moms who work or don't.) As Demalas Meehan says in the beginning, it's an age-old question that will never be fully answered—but that doesn't mean it isn't worth discussing.
Renee Petro
9:23 am on Monday, January 9, 2012
It is a constant balancing act for time, money, energy, needs (children, husband, financial, creative, social, sleep, life). As one wow yoga teacher told us: "Each day do your best -- and your best is good enough." You have to do what is right for you at this day and then keep going. Past is over and can't predict the future. As they say: "it is what it is" and most people never say on their death bed "I wish I worked more." One woman co-worker years ago at Verizon said "I work to live and don't live to work." It's got to work for you -- who can say what is in a mom's mind, heart or finances!!!!
Debra Brandwein
1:09 pm on Monday, January 9, 2012
First the "sexy working moms" article, now this. Is the Patch trying to aggravate all women in Northern Westchester, or are they really this tone deaf?! We all work hard and do not have time to engage in a cat fight. Please stop trying to provoke us!
Lisa Buchman
2:03 pm on Monday, January 9, 2012
Hi Debra, Sorry you think we're trying to provoke—not the case at all, I agree with Lizzie that the original HuffPo post was funny and I liked reading about another mother's challenges (to know I am not alone). And almost 100 people felt strongly one way or another to vote in the poll above. I'm grateful that women I know don't necessarily pit one side against the other but do seem to appreciate what the other brings to the party (or doesn't because she's too busy working/PTA-ing/caring for multiple kids). @Renee has it right, the balancing act is constant.
Heron
3:50 pm on Monday, January 9, 2012
Don't worry. If someone really wants to start a fight about this topic, we need to find Chauncey. This is a big issue for him (:
Jaques Strape
4:35 pm on Monday, January 9, 2012
My props to all moms. Stay at home, Working. Especially the Working Single Mom who doesn't get poo from the father of the child. On the other hand, the stay at home mom with the full time live in nanny, does not get as much props if any at all...