Helicopter Parenting

Passivity and a sense of entitlement might describe the qualities of the majority of the Millennial generation.  They don’t seem to be huge risk-takers.  The helicopter parenting they’ve endured, the constant hovering of overly attentive parents, has certainly contributed to their helplessness and inability to put a stamp on any sign of independent thought or action.  Is it risk aversion or the fact that customs, ethics and morals have been replaced by political correctness and an obsession with equality?  I’m not knocking equality, diversity or inclusiveness yet I must argue that if it weren’t for the individual working diligently on an idea or notion we probably would never had been blessed with the miracle of the Salk vaccine or Apple computers to name two brilliant examples.

The new collectivism relies heavily on team efforts and a team is only as good as the achievements of its individuals who contribute toward a common goal.  Even on the strongest team there must be a leader who takes responsibility, who guides and make decisions for the team.  In essence, it is the quarterback who calls the shots.  There is something radically wrong when children are being taught a game, trying to utilize the rules and apply them to the plan.  It’s distressing to hear that many teachers are not keeping score because they don’t want the less adept to feel left out or to feel inferior for their lack of talent or skill.  This is absurd.  We are a nation of laws – a law should apply to all Americans.  In competitive sports there are rules to follow and score-keeping is the only way to decide who is the winner.  Shielding a child from the rules or scoring process does him a great disservice.  It suffocates and insulates him with over protection.  How will he learn to improve his skills and become proficient?  We are individuals first, team members second.

Approximately 1.5 million students are now being home schooled for a variety of reasons.  For some the distance to travel for a decent education is too far.  For many it is a case of parents wanting to instill a certain set of morals or ethics which they feel the local public or private school is not able to provide.  A few families enjoy travel and exposing their children to different cultures is their main objective. Others follow a more religious path and want their children to practice certain teachings.  For whatever reason, the parents who home-school their children would rather have more of a voice in their education and much more control.  At the other end of the spectrum there are parents who could not care less whether their children go to school or not.  In far too many cases the single mother works all day and the teenager stays at home to care for the two year old.  The perfect formula for the sky-rocketing truancy in our public schools.  There must be a better way to raise our children.  Far too many of these children are being raised on entitlements.  We are seeing generations of young women caught in this cycle, never being able to focus on getting a good education.  They are doomed to accept a mediocre way of life, the incentive for independence being destroyed.  This is acceptance for which they pay a terrible price.  It is a tragic behavior being repeated heavily, especially  in our urban areas.

I have close friends living in Colorado who have never owned a television set.  Their children all attended public school and always had a full schedule of religious classes, sports, music lessons and community service after school each day.  Their oldest daughter attended Harvard on a scholarship and recently became a medical doctor.   She is an active church leader, sings with a choral group, plays in a band and participates in her community.  While I was skeptical about the way this family raised their children I came to realize they don’t have an ounce of risk aversion.  They have become strong independent young people who are not puppets to the new technology. 

To me there’s nothing more appalling than watching some of our elected representatives courting Hollywood celebrities and sports figures.  The fundraising for their campaign has become more important than their principles.  The message gets lost.  These are not the best role models.  There must be a better way for parents to be involved in rearing children with just the right amount of attention and balance.  Parents today seem either too attached to their children or not enough.  There must be a way for parents to engage their offspring, nurture them, give them unconditional love. good guidance and then let them go.  We would do well to take a lesson from the marvelous eagle.  The nest is perfect and soft for the newborns but as they grow and move around the soft lining of the nest flies away little by little.  When the young eagles work their way down to the bits of broken glass they know it’s time to spread their wings and fly away.  Soaring and independent.